A friend to the homeless

This is a story I'm not exactly proud of, but in my defense anything I did was with good intentions, or plain old stupidity. I had to share the story, because only I would do something as insensitive and stupid as this.

Whilst walking down Brick Lane in London the girls and I were approached by a homeless person asking for some money. He was actually pretty funny, he said "Can you spare 700 pounds for a flight to the Caribbean, or some change for some food". The girls and I giggled and I would have given him something, but I honestly didn't have anything other then a 20 pound note on me.... here's where I turn into an asshole. Rather then saying "No sorry" I chose to elaborate and said, "Sorry, I don't have any change right now, maybe after dinner." I KNOW!! Who does that. I was mortified, but I wasn't alone, as we walked away, me with my head down in shame, Spongey said "Get home safely". Seriously we aren't mean people, we don't like to kick you when you are down, we were trying to be sincere and nice and instead we were jerks, and that wasn't the end of it. Yes, hard to believe there is more.

On route home now walking down some street I can't remember I see a Starbucks Coffee cup sitting on the ground ahead. Being the silly fun person I am I ran at full speed toward the cup and gave it a swift kick. Nothing came out of the cup thankfully, but it did roll it's way to the homeless person nestled in the alley way. I can only assume that was his collection cup.

I have since donated all my savings to the homeless people of London out of guilt and shame. To support the cause please feel free to send donations :-)

Hip Hip Hooray!!!

Hip Hip Hooray, the First of May Outdoor Humping Begins Today!!!

New Sport

So my friend JR sent me to this site... Pillow Fight League ... recommending I join. Apparently I seem the type to beat other women with a pillow. I'm wondering if anyone else thinks I'd be good at this. I think I might be better at Mud Wrestling, but who knows.

I found the rules especially entertaining.

The Official PFL Rules

1. Women Fighters Only. No Exceptions.

2. Fights have a five minute time limit and are won via pinfall, surrender, or referee stoppage. If a fight ends at the time limit with no winner, a winner is declared by a three-judge committee

3. Punching, leg drops, clotheslines, submission holds, and other moves are allowed as long as a pillow is used to execute the attack.

4. Preventing an opponents' pillow strike by holding her pillow results in a warning from the referee. Judges may choose to include these warnings as part of their judging criteria if a fight goes the distance.

5. No eye-gouging, biting, scratching, hair pulling, or low blows.
   

6. No rude, lewd, or suggestive behavior.

7. Loading a pillow with a foreign object such as a brick is strictly forbidden

Number six I find interesting... no rude, lewd or 'suggestive' behaviour... I'm wondering how much more suggestive it could be. The girls are in skimpy clothes pillow fighting. I don't know about you but sounds like something straight out of a teenaged boys fantasy.

Urban Dictionary

So the other day I was IMing with a friend and I accidentally called her Craxy, I meant of course to call her Crazy. Her idea was to google 'Craxy' and see what it meant, and this is what she found in the Urban Dictionary. There are actually 6 definitions but these were the two favourites.

Craxy:
1) One who is so beyond sexy that they are crazy sexy. (DC's fav)
2) A mixture of crazy and crack. A kind of crazy to indicate that one might be on crack. (my fav)

I enjoyed that so much that I went hunting for other funny definitions. You can check them out at Urban Dictionary http://www.urbandictionary.com

Here are a List of my favourites.

1. Aardsma
2. Dadcake
3. Gibungus (a word I frequently use)
4. Hasselhoffing
5. Kitch
6. Pachinki
7. Shmagoo
8. Tabish
9. Wordanista (thank you Steven Colbert)
10. 4:20

Words of Wisdom

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either, just fuck off and leave me alone.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.

The darkest hours come just before the dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbour's milk and newspaper, that's the time to do it.

Sex is like air. It only becomes really important when you aren't getting any.

Don't aspire to become irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

Remember, no one is listening until you fart.

Never forget that you are unique, like everyone else.

Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

If you think nobody cares whether you're dead or alive, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.

Before you judge someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you judge them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

If at first you don't succeed, avoid skydiving.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Have you ever lent someone a 20 and never seen that person again? It was probably worth it.

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

Some days we are the flies; some days we are the windshields.

Good judgment comes from experience, experience comes from bad judgment.

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

A closed mouth gathers no feet.

There are two theories about how to win an argument with a woman. Neither one works.

Generally speaking, you aren't learning much if your lips are moving.

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

When we are born we are naked, wet, hungry, and we get smacked on our arse. From there on in, life gets worse.

The most wasted day of all is one in which we have not laughed.